Before & Now
by BlackBirdPie
Summary: Kim and Jared story. What happened to them after Breaking Dawn, how it all fell apart. How Kim can't move past the before, and deal with the now. How before they were okay, and now everything seems broken. Crap summary, but despite that, please read and review!
1. Chapter One

**Okay, I'm working on this as a multi-chaptered fic. Which, is not my strong suit. So please have patience with me. I don't remember the time line exactly, and ages, but for the purposes of this story…**

** - All the wolves have graduated high school, so they are 19/20, around there, and Kim is in the end of her senior year**

** - The story begins in March, after the Volturi thing. I don't foresee the Cullens having a large part in this, which includes Jake. He's just happily off with the Loch Ness Monster and whatever. **

** - It's not totally A/U, but I'm sure I'll get details wrong, so it's A/U in that aspect (A/U but plausible?). **

**Review and let me know what you think! If I should continue, oh M for safety, and for later on ;)  
****Right, and SMeyer gets the credit for her shiz.**

**Chapter One**

Before she even finished turning the bolt in the lock she felt exhausted. It washed over her like a wave, twisting around her lungs, traveling down her stomach. She was tempted to close her eyes, and curl up, right here on the front step.

She did not want to be there. More, she didn't want to want to be there. She wished that she could just stay away. The little voice in her head, the rational one, screamed at her to leave. _Get out while you still can_. With a sigh, she pushed the rest of the way in.

He was sitting at the table. Eating.

Of _course_ he was eating.

"Hey." He said, offering her a shy smile. Unsure. But the happy glint in his eyes was unfeigned.

It would be so much easier if he didn't like her so much.

But, here they were, both chained together by some tribal legends, each without any real choices.

Yet somehow, the power was still in her hands. She was the one with the power to break him. Which was laughable, considering his stature.

"How are you?" The smile hurt her face.

He cleared his throat. "Good, good."

The other couples weren't this awkward. Not Sam and Emily, with their circumstances of getting together. The polar opposites Paul and Rachel. Even Quil with his two-year-old were happy. Hell, Jacob was with a baby-vampire and it seemed to work.

Yet here were Kim and Jared, skirting around each other, and yet neither having the opportunity to leave.

"I…" She didn't know what she was going to say. Should she tell him about the college applications? They seemed like tickets out of La Push, which she supposed wouldn't exactly make him happy. Not that he would try to stop her, but there was this crushed look he would get on his face. And she seemed to be an expert at putting it there.

"Iwaswonderingifyouwantedtogoonadatewithme." He finally spat out.

"Come again?"

"Would you like to…would you go on a date? With me?"

She looked at her shoes. "Um."

"It's okay. If you're busy." He backpedaled, but she could hear the disappointment in his voice. "We can just go later, or something. A different time."

"No. A date sounds fine." She said cautiously, rubbing her eyes. "When were you thinking?"

"Whatever works best for you." There was another stiff pause. Neither wanting to impose a preference on the other. "How about this Friday?"

"I have a group project after school, but I'll be free by 4."

"So if I pick you up around 6?"

"Sounds like a plan."

He nodded. "So did you need something, or...?" He was asking why she stopped by.

"No." She shook her head. "Sorry, I didn't want anything. Just…just stopped by to say hello, I guess."

"You don't need to apologize, Kim." He said quietly, not taking his eyes off of hers. "I gave you a key because you're welcome here. Always."

She nodded, ripping her gaze from his. "Thanks." She needed to get out of there. The distance between them was starting to rip at her. She wanted so badly to touch him. To let him hold her. But that would make everything worse, she knew. Worse in the long run.

"Kim," He sounded hesitant. "I know that today—"

She started backing towards the door, and interrupted him. "Well now that I said hey, I guess I'll get going."

He took a step towards her, and then seemed to reel himself in. "Bye, Kim." His look was so soft it almost broke her heart.

Almost, but not quite. Because Kim had had her heart broken before, and it was so, _so_ much worse than this.


	2. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

Kim made it up the stairs, and to her room before she lost in.

She had breezed past her mom, who was working at her desk "Hello honey", she had called. Kim had yelled something back, saying she was going to take a shower.

She grabbed a towel, and booked it to the bathroom, yanking the shower curtain open and twisting the handle to drown out her breathing. She was on the brink of an anxiety attack. She was trying to get her breathing under control, to stop the little pained noises that seemed to be escaping her mouth. To stop her shaking.

She hated to lose control like this. For fear her mother would find her, and for Jared's sake. She knew, thanks to the imprint, that through the bond they could feel the others feelings, when they were strong. And he would surely be able to read her anxiety if it got any higher.

These attacks only came on bad days. Like, really bad days. And today was one of the worst. Because she knew she had someone to hold her, tell her it was going to be okay. But she was holding him at arms length. Kim thought she should stop seeing him all together, but last time she did that, it only hurt them both more. These visits however, where she acted distant, didn't exactly help either.

What do you do when the only thing worse than holding on, is letting go?

"Honey?" Her mom knocked on the bathroom door.

"Yes?" She managed to keep her voice even.

"When you're done will you come downstairs? I wanted to talk to you about tonight."

She squeezed her eyes tight. "Sure."

Kim waited until she heard the retreating footsteps before letting out the breath she had been holding. She jumped in the shower, letting her hair get wet so it looked like she actually showered.

Fifteen minutes later, she was sitting on the couch, still in the same clothes, but now with wet hair. She may as well have taken a shower after all, now she was just cold and wet, without being cleaner.

"You look fresh!" Her mom told her with a smile.

Kim smiled back. Her mom always tried to see the best in her. Which was good, she was lucky not to have a parent who nit-picked, or just didn't care. But…but it just meant her mom didn't see what was wrong.

"So about tonight…"

Kim coughed.

"I'm going to the grave." She looked at Kim, Kim looked at the spot above her mom's head. _Breath in, out, in, out_…

"You don't have to go honey…" Kim still didn't speak. "I can bring something for you, if you'd like? A note or flowers?"

"That's okay…I've got a lot of school work tonight. I don't think I'll have the time…"

Her mom held up her hands. "Okay, honey. I thought I would check. I shouldn't be back too late." She kissed Kim on the head. "There's a sandwich for you in the fridge if you get hungry."

"Alright. Thanks."

Kim's mom headed out the door, grabbing the bag she had packed by the door. Like she knew all along Kim was never going to come with.

Kim returned back to her room, passing her backpack on the way in. Of course she didn't have any homework. She was ahead on the reading in two of her classes. Plus with a free period, she almost never had homework.

She flopped down on her bed, staring at the ceiling. Wishing everything were like it was six months ago. That she could go back to being that girl who had a crush on Jared, and was elated he was suddenly paying her any mind. When her problems consisted of grades, and figuring out what to wear with her limited wardrobe. When she didn't wake up every morning feeling like she was only a piece of what she used to be.

But she couldn't go back. No matter how much she wanted to.

**A/N: I'll try to get the update soon. In the next couple chapters all will be revealed. Let me know what you think! **


	3. Chapter Three

**Another day, another chapter. Thanks for the reviews guys! Keep letting me know whatcha think :)**

**Chapter Three**

Jared wanted nothing more than to hug her. To wrap his arms around her, and try to wipe the new look she had in her eye. Well, it wasn't new; it had been there for six months. And maybe taking away a look wasn't the problem; maybe he just wanted to put back the light that used to be there.

But he knew she didn't want that.

He wasn't really sure why. At first, he had tried to make her talk about it. He ignored when she shrugged him off, because it was understandable. After what she had been through. It had made sense she wanted distance. But now…now it was policy. He wasn't allowed to touch her, and the times he had tried to talk to her about it, she had rushed off.

And Jared didn't know what to do.

Should he make her try to talk to him? But, wasn't it understandable that she was upset? Yes. Of course it was. He just didn't know why this all seemed to manifest in her pushing him away.

Was she trying to punish herself?

He paced around his living-room when he felt the tug of his imprint. That she was in pain, she was hurting. A whimper came out of his throat.

He should be there. Jared felt everything in him yelling to go to her. To try to make it better. But, he knew he couldn't make it better. He _knew_ that. He only wanted to try. To be there with her, for her.

When he had tried to tell her this the first time, she had only shaken her head, mumbling that there was nothing he could do.

The pain her felt, her pain, only intensified. And before he knew what he was doing, he was out the door running.

Her house was three miles away, and he knew he could make it there in 10, maybe 12, minutes flat.

From the distance he could see all the lights were off, the car wasn't in the driveway, so he knew her mom was out. That she most likely went to the grave.

The door, when he tried it was unlocked. The instinctual part of him reared its head, annoyed. The unlocked door left his imprint vulnerable…but he shook it off. Priorities.

He knew where her room was. He had been there a couple of times, back in the early stages of their relationship, when he was the unsure one, and she was there with open arms. It almost made him laugh now.

He pushed open her door, and wondered what the fuck he was doing there. Until he saw her on the bed, the pillow under her damp. He saw the tear tracks that had dried on her face. Her hands clutching at the bedding, like if she let them go she would fall apart all together.

"Kim?"

"You…you shouldn't be here." She moved back against the wall.

He took a few cautious steps closer to her, she pulled the blankets closer.

"I felt you…through the bond."

"You really shouldn't have come." She repeated, but made no movement away from him.

He took another step, watching for her reaction. She didn't move further away again. Jared moved up next to the bed, crouching down next to it, so his face was next to hers.

"I didn't know how to stay away. When I knew you were so sad." He could never have been this honest with her during the daylight. She would have run for the hills.

She was trembling.

"If you want me to leave, I will." He said slowly.

"I…I just." She shut her eyes tightly, looking like she was fighting some inner war with herself. "I don't want to feel this way anymore."

He didn't know if she was talking about the imprint, or…

"I hate feeling like this." She continued on. "Just so…god, just so fucking shitty all the time. And then with you…I know I'm hurting you, and I don't want to but…but I don't want to let you in either. Because them I'm only opening myself up for more."

He ran his hand through her hair, cupping her face with his hand. She had never been this honest with him. Not even in the last six months. "I'm here, Kim. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

Her breathing became more uneven. "It's his birthday today." Her eyes were still closed. "My brother should have been fourteen today."

And that seemed to snap something in her, because she was sobbing. Raking in painful breaths that seemed to rip at her lungs.

"Kim." His voice cracked. He didn't think about it, but climbed into bed with her, pressing her face to his chest, collecting her legs in his own. He made comforting noises, his nose at the crown of her head.

"I can't. I can't. I can't do it. I don't know how to…I just can't deal with this." He didn't know if she was talking to him, or herself. "I just want him back."

"I know, Kim. I know."


	4. Chapter Four

**Chapter Four**

It was October. When it happened.

It had been a normal day. Not too warm, but nothing sinister in the air.

They had cereal for breakfast, Cheerios. The usual. Their mom had called to them to have a good day, be careful, that she loved them.

Kim slid into the driver's seat, Jack in the passenger side. She was driving them to school, just like she did every day.

"Click it or ticket!" She told him in sing-song.

He rolled his eyes, complying.

"So." He said after they had pulled out of the driveway. "About this Jared guy."'

His serious tone made Kim laugh. "Yeah?"

"He seems alirght."

"I like him." And Kim couldn't stop the smile that sprung to her face.

"Obviously." Jack rolled his eyes again. "But, I've heard some things at school…about him, hanging around Sam Uley. Like, they are in a gang or something."

"I seriously doubt they are in a gang, J."

"Regardless. Be careful. Cause if he pulls something, I'll try to kick his ass, but considering he's the size of a small whale…"

"Thanks, little bro."

"Got your back big sis." They pulled up to the school. "Hey, drop me off by the girl in pink. She's cute."

Kim rolled her eyes this time. "What am I, a chauffer service?" But she pulled off to where he directed her, none the less.

"Bye, kid!" She yelled out the window.

"Catch ya later!" He smiled back at her.

And that was the last time she ever saw her brother. He was going to a friends house after school that day, planning to get a ride home after dinner. It was raining that night, buckets, it began after Jack had left their house. The friend's dad was driving. They were a mile from the house, when the car began to hydroplane. The driver did everything right, the report said, didn't brake, turned the wheel correctly. There was nothing that could have been done. Nobody was at fault. It was like the car had a mind of its own when it smashed the passenger door into the electrical post.

The movement caused the lights in Kim's house to flicker. "Mom, we're losing power or something!" She had shouted.

She had no idea.

They got the call an hour later. They had a body to identify. He was DOA. Dead on arrival at the hospital.

Kim's mom squeezed her hand the whole way there. And Kim just kept thinking it had to be a mistake. They drove by the pole, which had a car wrapped around it, and Kim's mom whimpered.

Kim didn't say anything. Didn't make any noises.

They went to the basement, to the morgue. But were stopped outside the door.

"The body." Kim found her voice. "They wanted us to identify…"

"Sorry ma'am." The police officer said. "That really wouldn't be for the best…we have some personal affects to identify the boy."

Kim's mom started sobbing as she clutched at the bag that held the shark tooth necklace Jack always wore. Another that held his brown belt.

"Those are his. My Jack's. Oh Kim. Kim, honey." She went into mom mode, hugging and trying to comfort.

Only she didn't feel anything.

And she didn't think she ever would again.


End file.
